I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
