You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
