i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
