Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
