When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
