it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
