You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
