i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
