your room smells of hookers.
And success
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Randomize
