Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
