I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
