If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
this is an emotional support booty call
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
