Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
