Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
