is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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