I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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