Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
porn star boner night. come get it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
