Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
