Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
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Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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