No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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