you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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