we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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