Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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