I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
im on a boat
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