i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
