did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
