is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We don't watch enough power rangers
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
