Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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