Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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