The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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