i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
