my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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