May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Can you bring me the toilet please
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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