bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Drunk is a universal language darling
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