i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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