smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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