You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
