I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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