every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
