Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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