Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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