we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
