GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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