Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
