just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
