hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
