sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
