She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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