I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
