Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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