i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
