do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
