she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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