not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
