i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
