At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Someone signed my nipple.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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