don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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