take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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