i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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