insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
