My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
