how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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